Mother’s day for the Motherless

I am a motherless daughter.  Just the statement is hard to write.  The bond between my mother and I is unbreakable, death didn’t take that away for us.  I want to remember my mother; I want to think about her or even talk about her.  So it hurts when people deny she existed or deny my loss.

Let me clear up a few things.

1. No two people grieve or cope the same way. ( even if they lose the same person)

2. Time does not heal all wounds.  I have moments of deep sadness and pain “after all these years” she was my mother and it is okay for me to miss her or to cry for her even after 15 years. Plus I would like to find the person that coined “time heals all wounds” and send them to the seventh level of hell!!!

3. It is hard work to be okay for other people all the time, just to make them comfortable.

This doesn’t mean I am bitter or angry ( okay I admit #2 is a little bit of an angry statement).  No, the opposite is true.  I am honored to have had such a wonderful mother. My mother is the most brilliant person I know. She is not physically here but she lives in my heart, in my siblings’ eyes and most importantly in her granddaughter’s smile.  I have learned some amazing lesson from my mother.  Here are some things I would like to share.

No moment with other people should be taken for granted.

Grieve brings some people closer to you and moves others away from you.

The present is the most important moment in time.

People will surprise you if you let them; look for the good in them.

I don’t have time to fight about the small stuff; life is too short. ( No joke.)

I am strong and resilient.  (I didn’t believe her when she told me I was, but she was right.)

As you get older you learn that mum really is right about 90% of the time.

It is okay to cry, laugh, and have silly thoughts all in the same moment.

It is okay to want your mommy when you are sad, happy or mad. No matter how old you are.

The last and most important thing I have learned is when people fail you, remember they are human, forgive.

There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t feel or know how much she loved us.  When we did something wrong she would say,”I don’t like what you did, but I still love who you are.”  She could always separate the act from the core of a person.

This Mother’s Day buy your mother some flowers, whether she is here with you in person or in spirit.  Remember that a mother’s love is the unbreakable bond, so let those of us that do not have our mothers on this earth celebrate her this Mother Day too. 

When Not To Give A Book As A Gift

You don’t know them well enough.

If you don’t really know someone, you also don’t know their taste, so even a book you adored may be inappropriate.  So choose wisely!

You don’t know them well enough politically.

As they say, you don’t talk about politics and/or religion.  You don’t want to give the gift of Stephen Colbert If they really love Glenn Beck.  ( Unless you know them very well —maybe you want to drive them crazy.  In that case, feel free to give them the gift of Colbert if they love Beck. I am not judging! ) 🙂

If you really don’t know them, it’s better to just give them a gift certificate.

They’re a gadget person. They just don’t like books.

I have nothing to say about this because I don’t get how this works.  I love books and gadgets, but I am told by my staff this person is out there in the world. :O

You haven’t read or researched the book. 

Great-Aunt Fran loves home décor, and when you heard about Room by Emma Donoghue, you decided that is the perfect gift for her. You inscribe it, saying, “ I saw this and thought of you.”  After Great-Aunt Fran calls your mother to discuss why you felt she would relate to a woman and her child being held hostage in a room and that she is 97 and she never hurt you as a child.  Unless you want your mother to call and tell you how you hurt Aunt Fran, and now the family hates you… You should research or read the book before you give it as a gift.

Finally, just remember that books are the key to new worlds and dreams, so have fun this summer with your book gift-giving!

How to make a good first impression in business

Curb appeal makes an important first impression on customers, clients and students.  Appearance matters, you have to make sure your offices are clean, freshly painted and enough space to receive people.  A dirty waiting rooms and not enough seating will run the risk of turning off people right away.   They may keep the appointment but they are less likely to do business with you.  You want more business and you are in a brick and mortar world?  Check out the following tips:

1. Be a mystery shopper at your own company. Would you be happy to recommend the store/school/business based on your first impression?   Be honest! If you can’t really be your own mystery shopper, get a friend you know will be honest with you even if you don’t want to hear what they have to say.

2. Shop your competition. What you don’t know will hurt you.

3. Check your waiting area.  Are there enough chairs to handle number of people you get?  Is it clean? Do you have reading material that  pertains to your business?  Is it easy to see people in the space?

4. Monitor the volume of the TV or radio in your waiting room. Consider a quiet area for those customers who want to be productive while they wait.

5. Invest in training for your frontline staff. These people can be a real asset to the company in terms of revenue if they are taught better soft communication skills.   One of the worst examples was a company that had rude frontline staff.  The staff ignored the customers standing in front of them talking about what they will be doing that weekend and never even acknowledge the customer and when they finally did speak to the customers they were rude and vulgar.

6. Compare your customer service with other industries. Customers are not just comparing you to your competition; they compare the experience to other positive customer service experiences, regardless of where they have had them.

7. Remember the little things. Smile, have fun, make it an inviting place to be

Multicultural Weddings and Events

Multicultural Weddings

In our new global world many people fall in love and marry people outside of their culture and religion, this makes weddings much more personal and special.  But remember it is your wedding and it is about you and your partner*. So make it clear to your families you want to incorporate  your families’ customs as part of the event, but you may not be able to do everything they would want.  Here are 7 tips when you are planning your wedding:

1.  Communicate with both families about the traditions you would like to incorporate.
2.  Educate each of your families on what would be considered inappropriate behavior in the other’s culture. This event is not the place for cultural faux pas.
3.  Personalize your ceremony. Many officiates are willing to incorporate and honor of differing ethnic and religious traditions.  Just make sure the ceremony is not too long and too packed with things. You don’t want the event to last 3 months.
4. Help your guests understand any special rituals you will have.  Provide brief explanations of their significance in your event program so that your guests can appreciate their symbolism.
5. Get creative with the food.  A great way to blend two cultures is by fusing the cuisines.  Fusion food is popular and makes a gourmet statement while representing how well two cultures can blend together.
6.  Do not feel you have to put all everything in the ceremony.  If you or your partner* are  South Asian, why not host a Henna party for your bachelorette gathering? All the female relatives will enjoy expressing their inner artist through decorative henna designs.  If your traditions are very strict and you cannot fuse them, why not reserve the ceremony for the bride’s culture and turn the reception into a celebration of the groom’s culture.
7. Consider getting an event planner to help you negotiate both families’ cultures and showcase your own personal styles as a couple.

You will not make everyone 100% happy with your choices, but don’t worry about that. The important thing is you tried, and when the time comes they will see how beautiful everything is.  In the end it is about celebrating your union.

* Partner meaning Bride and/or Groom ( Bride and groom are use to but are inclusive of same-sex couples)

Protocol and Etiquette from around the world

Protocol and Etiquette – Fun facts from around the world

An unintentional faux pas can be committed when you are meeting your new in-laws or at a multicultural event

Here are a few tips you may want to note.

Fun Facts:

Czech Republic: Never applaud in a church, no matter what the occasion is, a wedding, or even a concert.

Denmark: Never get up from the dining table until the host or hostess does.

France: when you go to the dining table, let your host indicate where you should sit.

German: Never drink until your host or hostess begins at a dinner party.

Hungary: at a formal party, you must wait to be introduced, but at an informal one, you can introduce yourself.

Italy: a man should always pour wine. It is considered unfeminine for a woman to pour wine.

Spain: Everyone says “chin, chin” and chime glasses before a toast.

China: The most senior person is introduced first.

Thailand: when dining, a spoon and fork are used, and knives are rarely placed on the table.

United States: dining Americans keep their left hand in their lap and eat with their right hand.

Greetings:

Greetings are one of the most important things you need to get right; think about it: a greeting is your first impression, and you can never make a first impression.

In North America, having a firm handshake and looking someone in the eye is very important, but that isn’t true worldwide.

In India, the greeting is hands placed in a praying position, about chest height, and a slight bow.

In Japan, it is a bow with arms to the side. The relationship with the person will dictate the level of the bow; your boss or company owner gets a lower bow than your co-worker. Older people also get lower bows, for example. Now, in Japan, people do give foreigners a handshake, but it is not firm. It is gentle and quick.

In French-speaking countries, you kiss on the cheek, a light brushing of the cheek (an air kiss if the person is not very close to you) as a hello. Business meeting a light handshake is fine.

Some East African tribes greet each other by spitting at each other’s feet.

You start with a handshake in Russia, but a good bear hug is the way to go.

In some Islamic countries, it may be forbidden for unrelated men and women to touch; men never offer their hands to women as a greeting.

In Austria, handshakes should be firm, and kissing a woman’s hand is still polite as a form of hello.

These are just a few quick examples of Greetings.

Forms of Address:

In North America, using someone’s first name in business and personal situations is quite common.  But this is not true for the rest of the world.

In most countries, when first meeting someone, it is essential to use Mr. or Mrs. (Miss, Ms.) before their family name until you have been told you can call them by their given name.  That brings me to an important point. Given Names.

In most countries, your first name (the name that appears first on a business card or birth certificate) is not really your given name (the name the person is called). For example, in Asia countries, the family name may appear first on business cards, followed by the given name.  Tominaga, Keiko in the US would be Keiko Tominaga.

In some countries, the first name may be a family name given to everyone in that family, or what we (in English-speaking countries) would call a Middle name is actually the given name.

Marie is a popular family name in Catholic French-speaking countries in Central America; many times, Marie is listed first but is not the person’s given name.

Before you meet someone, check to make sure or ask him or her for his or her given name.

Gift Giving:

Business gift-giving in some countries can be a tradition that is a sign of respect, friendship, and appreciation.

For example, in Japan, when you go away for a holiday (vacation), you must bring something back to your co-workers. It can be a group gift of candies and/or sweets from the place you went.   If you are meeting a client (and traveling to Japan for the meeting), you want to make a good impression.  You should bring a gift from your country, and there should be some thought (a story) behind the gift.  It should never be something that has your company logo on it.   However, in China, group gifts with your logo are acceptable, and individual personal gifts could be viewed as bribery.

If you are going to a client’s home for dinner (in Europe, Japan, South and Central America), you should bring a gift as a small thank you for the invitation to the person’s home. If they have children, a small gift for the children is also very nice and goes a long way.  Again, it should never have your company logo on it; if it is wine, you should never expect it to be one you drink at dinner.

If you are going to meet your in-laws, you should bring flowers for your mother-in-law and if your father-in-law drinks, a bottle of his favorite wine or spirit.

Please note all of these are generalizations, and it is important to ask your host or hostess what the correct protocol or etiquette is if you are unclear.  It will make them happy you care enough about their culture to ask.

Weddings Etiquette for the Mother of the Groom

So I am still a newlywed, but as life would have it ( due to work) I have attended a lot of weddings and I have become fascinated by the Mother of the Groom.

Most weddings are all about the bride ( I say most because there are some great brides that make it about the couple and not just her wedding) , so because it is mostly about the bride it means the mother of the bride is also the center of the wedding.  So what about the Mother of the Groom? What is her role in all of this ? Traditional the groom’s parents call the bride’s parents after their son tells them he is getting married. It is a way to welcome the family.

The thing is I get  a lot of questions about what the groom’s parents ( Mother) should be doing.  So hear the big ones:

Q. Do I have to host a bridal shower?

It is traditional to have just one shower, hosted by the bride’s attendants with the Mother of groom and other groom family members included on the guest list. In modern times Brides have many showers because , one at work, one with just her friends, one back in her home town if she lives and works away from her parents. If the Bride has a good relationship with her Mother of the groom can have a shower for her after checking with the Maid of honor ( or whoever is hosting the shower) Also to make sure you don’t upset the Host of the official shower always host the shower after that shower.

On a personal note: My Mother-in-Law hosted one of my bridal shower, because my mother is gone and she really wanted to do it as way to welcome me into the family. ( It was lovely)

Q. What is the dress code for the Mother of the Groom?

Etiquette, says the Mother of the Bride should buy her dress first and notify the mother of the groom what color she is wearing and what style.  The Mother of the Bride doesn’t have the right to dictate what the Mother of the Groom wears, this is so everyone can look good in pictures.  If the Mother of the Bride has not reach out by the four or fifth month before the wedding the Mother of the groom should just touch base with the Bride to find out what color her mother is wearing.

Q. What is my job as the Mother of Groom?

The degree of the Groom’s mother’s involvement should be left to the groom’s mother. The Bride should reach out and ask for help when she feels ready to do so. This is the beginning  of the relationship as a family and each should respect the other and should try to include each other without being  overwhelming. A Bossy Bride will make becoming part of the grooms family difficult, but so could a Bossy Mother of the Groom!

Based on tradition, here are some ideals of what the Mother of Groom should do:

1. Host a dinner to introduce the bride to the groom’s side of the family.
2. Draw up the guest list for the groom’s family after asking the couple how many guests you are able to invite.
3. Help the groom choose family or ethnic traditions to incorporate into the ceremony or reception.
4. Attend bridal shower and by a gift
5. Obtain information on where the couple is registered and spread the word to your side of the family.
6. Traditionally, plan and host the rehearsal dinner
7. Stand in the receiving line after the bride and groom
8. Sit at the parents’ table if there is one.
9. Dance with the groom during the mother/son dance
10. Have fun! You are getting a new daughter!