Feed Back Guide

Safe and effective Feedback Model

The six words that generate fear and anxiety, “Can I give you some feedback?”, in 85% of human beings.  The words go through a translator in our brain and come out as, “Can I completely tear you down?”, “Can I tell you what you are doing wrong?” or “Can I tell you why you are a bad person.?”  It can be perceived that the person giving the feedback is somehow superior to the person receiving it, putting the receiver on the defense. The point here is not, don’t use those six words, it is understanding what the cause and effect are when you start with those words.  Until your team gets used to hearing those words positively try some of my examples below.

For example:

1. I have a concern about.
2. I have some thoughts about…
3. I want to discuss…
4. I have some questions…
5. I noticed…
6. I would like to know about…
7. Could I give you some feedback about…(this one is about adding a specific action or behavior)
8. This last one I use because it brings a smile to receivers face and it puts them in the right frame of mind. “Riddle me this…?”

The Simple Feedback Model. ( Not my model I can’t remember where I read about it so I can’t give the proper credit for it. if you know please comment.)

Creating the feedback is pretty easy

“When you do that behavior, this impact happens.” Positive or negative
Here are some examples:
When you do such a detailed analysis on the rejected parts we had, it really helps us figure out how we can improve the process for the next time we create this product.
When you come late to meetings, it throws things off and we get behind.

Feedback is not judgment, it is only insight. Feedback is not about punishment.

Punishment is ineffective; it does not change the behavior, it causes future avoidance of punishment. It is about covering up mistakes. Praise is not effective as well. ( Yes, I said it!)   Praise is designed to make people feel good; it is about generic things and not specific.
Example of Praise:
You ask an associate/employee (Carol) to run a budget meeting for your team. She starts the meeting on time and finishes it on time with little to no divergence from the topic by the team. She lead the meeting very effectively and you can’t believe how much got accomplished.
At the end of the meeting you say, “Great meeting everyone, well done Carol!”
That’s praise and everyone feels great, but did you tell them why it was a great meeting? Did you express they did well on something that is repeatable?

Now your team walks out thinking, “ S/He really like the colorful PowerPoint or we got a lot done.” The truth, maybe you hated the PowerPoint and now you get to see that bright yellow PowerPoint every meeting.  Maybe, you love the fact they didn’t divert from topic and got done on time? They really don’t know why they are getting the praise; they just know if felt great.
To avoid general praise, you need to ask yourself the following:

Is my statement about praising to have people feel good or is it something positive they can repeat.  There is no right or wrong answer here, this just about intention.
One more key point about feedback: If you take a casual tone, your feedback will be just a piece of input you are giving another person. Relax; give it as a friend and it will be received as such.
While giving and receiving feedback can be a delicate process, there is no doubting its value in helping to identify issues and solve them. It is also about making improvement to behavior.
Here are some tips that can get you on track to giving productive feedback:

Create safety. Believe it or not, people who receive feedback apply it only about 30% of the time, according to Columbia University neuroscientist Kevin Ochsner. If the person receiving the feedback doesn’t feel comfortable, this can cause the feedback to ultimately be unproductive.

Be positive. Give at least as much positive feedback as you do negative. Positive feedback stimulates the reward centers in the brain, leaving the recipient open to taking new direction. Meanwhile, negative feedback indicates that an adjustment needs to be made and the threat response turns on and defensiveness sets in. You don’t need to avoid negative, or corrective, feedback altogether. Just make sure you follow it up with a suggested solution or outcome.

Be specific. People generally respond better to specific, positive direction. Avoid saying things like, “You need to be more talkative in meetings.” It’s too ambiguous and can be interpreted in a lot of personal ways. Say something specific and positive pointed at the task you want accomplished, such as, “You’re smart. I want to hear at least one opinion from you in every meeting we’re in together going forward.”

Be immediate. The adult brain learns best by being caught in action. If you wait three months to tell someone that his or her performance is average, he or she usually can’t grasp the changes needed in order to change direction. It’s far too ambiguous and relies on memory, which can be faulty. Productive feedback requires giving it frequently. That way, performance reviews are just another wasted discussion.

Be tough, not mean. When someone drops the ball at work and you have to give him or her feedback, start by asking his or her perspective on the situation. Resist saying how stupid his or her actions were, even if they were.
Give the other person an opportunity to respond. Remain silent and meet the other person’s eye, indicating you are waiting for answers. If they hesitate to respond, ask open ended questions.
Offer specific suggestions. Offering suggestions shows that you have thought past your evaluations and moved into how to improve the situation.
For example:
“Tim, I sometimes write myself notes in my little portable notebook to remind myself to do something.” “That might be something to help you remember the days work list.”
“Cheryl, instead of telling Greg that you’re not interested in all the details, you might try asking him specific questions about the information you are most interested in.”

One thought that has helped me over the years with feedback, was something my mum did.  My mother would always say to us growing up, “I  don’t dislike you; I dislike what you have done.” or (my personal favorite), I still love but I don’t love your behavior.” It was never about us personally it was always about the action ( behavior). We never felt she didn’t love or like us. That way of thinking has helped me provide feedback, that respects and honors the recipient.  It helps people see the feedback is not personal; it is about an action and you can fix an action.  Oh, and one last thing. Practice giving positive feedback every day and you will be amazed how the view of feedback will change in your organization.

How to avoid killing people with meetings

What are the top 10 things that frustrate people about attending meetings?

1.  Doesn’t start on time or finish on time.
2. No clear purpose or objective; no specific action items or walk-away points
3. Not inspiring or motivating.
4. Not organized. No agenda.
5. The meeting is too long.
6. Repeating information for late arrivals.
7. The presenter is monotone, and rambles on repeating the same comments and thoughts
8. Boring
9. The meeting is information that has been present before i.e. repeated at the last meeting
10. Meeting for meeting sake. (It’s Monday so we have to have a meeting, even if we have nothing to meet about.)

Life is too short to be killed by meeting!

 

Meetings should be an opportunity to connect, learn, encourage, and inspire.

So how do you make your meeting better for everyone?

Respect your attendees by being prepared, communicating clearly, and valuing their time (Time is valuable commodity).

Don’t read your PowerPoint your attendees can read; think about this, if everything is on the PowerPoint what’s the point of the meeting?

Make it about helping them be better as a result of the meeting not a time to complain about bad behavior.

Make your meetings interactive

Participate.  Don’t just run the meeting be a part of the meeting

Keep it short and sweet.  If you need more time make it a workshop and make sure everyone knows they need to block out more time.  Meetings should be short information sessions.

Make it fun

Encourage people to ask and answer questions and be a part of the discussion where you can.

Be on time, finish on time

Remember, don’t kill people with meetings the fewer meetings you have the better life will be for everyone.

 

9 Tips to Managing your Family Owned Business (FOB)

Family owned businesses  (FOB) have some unique set of challenges. Yes, many of the business issues they face exist in “mainstream” business environments, but are exaggerated in a family business. Here are 9 tips to managing your family owned business.

 

1. Clearly define the goals of the company and make sure everyone is on the same page.
2. Outline each family employee’s role and responsibilities and hold them accountable.
3. Keep an open line of communication at all times.
4. Address all concerns quickly and without emotion.
5. Create a fair promotion and salary system that is based on individual merit and ability not relationships.
6. Take a leadership course to learn how to separate your emotions from the leadership process.
7. Provide opportunities for advancement in your business for non-family employees.
8. Provide training to all employees
9. Be prepared and create a succession plan to ensure your business lives on after you are gone.

Multicultural Weddings and Events

Multicultural Weddings

In our new global world many people fall in love and marry people outside of their culture and religion, this makes weddings much more personal and special.  But remember it is your wedding and it is about you and your partner*. So make it clear to your families you want to incorporate  your families’ customs as part of the event, but you may not be able to do everything they would want.  Here are 7 tips when you are planning your wedding:

1.  Communicate with both families about the traditions you would like to incorporate.
2.  Educate each of your families on what would be considered inappropriate behavior in the other’s culture. This event is not the place for cultural faux pas.
3.  Personalize your ceremony. Many officiates are willing to incorporate and honor of differing ethnic and religious traditions.  Just make sure the ceremony is not too long and too packed with things. You don’t want the event to last 3 months.
4. Help your guests understand any special rituals you will have.  Provide brief explanations of their significance in your event program so that your guests can appreciate their symbolism.
5. Get creative with the food.  A great way to blend two cultures is by fusing the cuisines.  Fusion food is popular and makes a gourmet statement while representing how well two cultures can blend together.
6.  Do not feel you have to put all everything in the ceremony.  If you or your partner* are  South Asian, why not host a Henna party for your bachelorette gathering? All the female relatives will enjoy expressing their inner artist through decorative henna designs.  If your traditions are very strict and you cannot fuse them, why not reserve the ceremony for the bride’s culture and turn the reception into a celebration of the groom’s culture.
7. Consider getting an event planner to help you negotiate both families’ cultures and showcase your own personal styles as a couple.

You will not make everyone 100% happy with your choices, but don’t worry about that. The important thing is you tried, and when the time comes they will see how beautiful everything is.  In the end it is about celebrating your union.

* Partner meaning Bride and/or Groom ( Bride and groom are use to but are inclusive of same-sex couples)

The list about you, as a “kid”.

We all hear about “find your passion” ,”find what makes you happy” the problem is sometimes we really don’t know what that is.  One of the best ways to discover what makes you happy or where your passions are, is to get back to who you were and what you wanted out of life.  Simply put…What you loved as a child. When you think about your childhood happy or sad, there are moments that you had passion and as adults we forget that.  So take the quiz and go back to the beginning.  Remember what made you happy as a kid!

Complete the following sentences:

1. When I was a kid, I use to love to___________________.

2. When I was a kid, I spent my summers __________________.

3. When I was a kid, I daydreamed about__________________.

4. My favorite person, when I was a kid was________________.

5. When I was a kid, I spent a rainy day___________________.

6. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a______________________.

7. My favorite time of day as a kid was____________________.

8. My favorite color as a kid was_________________________.

9.  When I was a kid, the thing I liked about myself the most was________________.

10. When I was a kid, I hated to_______________________.

11. When I was a kid, my favorite game was_______________.

12. When I was a kid, my favorite book or magazine was_________________.

13. My favorite hiding place as a kid was______________________.

14. My favorite food as a kid was__________________.

15. When I was a kid, my favorite T.V. program or Movie was____________________.

16. My favorite part of my childhood home was__________________.

17. As a kid, I would lose track of time when I was________________.

18. My favorite holiday as a kid was_______________.

19. My favorite adult was___________________.

20.  My favorite age was______________________.

If you would like to share your answers please feel free to reply.

Why hire a consultant?

One of my clients ( a small business consultant) asked me to answer the following question at our last session: “Why hire a consultant?” He is having a problem answering this question when people ask him why they should do business with him. It seems like a philosophical question about worth, but in truth it is a question of marketing.  How is he marketing himself so that his clients really know the answer?  So here is my answer to the question.

1. Consultants are objective, outside agents.

They give a fresh point a view to a company because they aren’t part of the politics or status quo. Sometime people get so lost in the day to day of working they lose perspective, but an outside person can sometimes see and bring a fresh perspective on things. A consultant is not afraid of speaking out or lose their job, because they don’t really work for the company. This makes them more willing and able to make recommendations that break through to the decision-makers who need to hear the truth.  This brings me to the next reason.

2. Consultants are experts in their field.

You have many people in your company that could do a job or task, but no one does it better than someone that lives and breathes an issue.  By hiring someone that is a subject matter expert, you can get the job done faster and your people can work on other things that need to happen in the company. A consultant can dedicate more time to whatever task/project you need completed, so that your own staff, who just do not have the time or know how to complete the job can work on what they are good at.

3. Consultants are independent contractor.

This is key for companies that are too small to hire full time staff or have a short term project they need to complete.  Because the consultant is not an employee, you don’t have to worry about benefits, payroll, or hands on supervision.  You simple set up a contract and if the consultant doesn’t do a good job you don’t have to hire them again, but more importantly you have a professional that will help you grow your business without having to pay a large salary to them.

4. There is no long term commitment.

This is the one most people that are commitment phobic love. When the job is done your consultant simply goes away.  No termination, no layoff, no severance pay, just pay the rest of the contract and off they go. With a full-time or part-time employee once the project is finish you have to figure out something else for them to do or place them in another part of the organization. You are stuck in a long term relationship! But your consultant is a flexible resource. You can use them as you need them and if they are a great consultant you will want to use them all the time.

5. “The Price is Right!”-Bob Barker

When you figure out how much it will cost you to hire someone, pay a salary, pay health insurance, vacation and sick time, 401(k) plans and other benefits vs a flat fee or hourly fee to a consultant, the answer is simple.  Using a consultant is a cost-effective alternative for an organization that needs to get a job or project done quickly and efficiently.

But as every coach knows I asked him the right questions for him to come up with the right answer for himself. Here is my client’s answer… “A consultant brings value to your business; so you can focus on building the value in your business.”

Marketing Tip of the day

“Efficiency use to be the holy grail of business is now replaced by robustness.” (The same is true with your career)

In the summer of 2003, the New York Times’s business page top story led with “Ford Plant Finds Efficiency is No Protector.” Reporting on the closing of the world’s most efficient light truck plant. It had been optimized to produce a model that, alas, was no longer in demand.

Two days later, on the same page, a story about a Honda planet, titled “yes, Assembly Lines Can Mix Apples and Oranges,” described a factory capable of making both civics and elements insulating Honda against the need to anticipate the condition of the market. Efficiency, the holy grail of industrial design in a predictable world, was trumped by robustness-the ability to roll with the punches.
Taken from page 52 of THE BIG MOO by The Group of 33 (more later about this book)

So what does this mean for your career? Well, as you develop your skills you need to be able to adapt (be Robust). So how do you do that? You need to cultivate some new hobbies, cultural experiences, languages, so that when companies are hiring, or promoting you are bring something new to the table.

Being efficient is great. But it’s a short term goal by being a robust player you are in for the long haul. You will be able to see the future of your industry and make the right moves at the right times.

By being willing to adapt (not compromise), you may think it is costly…it is! Change is hard; if you have had success with all the things you have done in the past, you don’t see the point in reviewing the world around and trying something new. When you have a system you became more and more efficient. Great! The problem is you get comfortable and you don’t develop or review, the world around you, to create something innovated, fresh cutting edge. So yes, it is costly for people to try something new…. But that’s a short term cost; in the long term it will be costly for others to catch up to you. This doesn’t mean there isn’t risk, life is about risk

You need to harvest the diversity of opinion Don’t be afraid to disagree with current directions, listen to other even if you don’t like what they are saying you might learn something or reinforce your own opinions. Don’t just hear or give one option “cross-pollinate your ideas don’t be afraid to think outside of the zone.

Adaptability is a strategy. I am not talking about changing your mind; I am talking about being will to try something new, being open to change, taking the risk

Question of the Day- Micromessage

What Are MicroMessages?
MicroMessages are quick communications that are short in length and time (Approximately 3 minutes or less)

In the world of Tweeter and short consumer attention span What is your Micromessage?

Take the 6 word challenge.  Could you sum up your marketing message in six words?